Babylon 5 Creator/Producer/Writer/Visionary J. Michael Straczynski

"So I for one, in sum, would be willing to allow the church to be judged by divine standards as soon as they could be raised to the standards of the average really good person. Until that time comes, I refuse to grade on a curve."
-- 29 Dec 2004, talking about religious institutions

"Here's the only thing I know that makes any sense when it comes to money: find what you enjoy doing, find what moves you to passion, find what you can't *not* do, and the miraculous thing about it is, if you're half decent at it, and dedicate yourself to getting better, and keep at it, after a while, sonuvagun, you can almost always find a way to make a living off it.

Well, before taxes, anyway."
-- 13 Jul 2002

"To tell the truth, to see all three of these movies, even in rough cut for the latter two, I'd fly to the UK on my own dime and crawl, naked and bleeding, through five miles of broken glass and monkey vomit, just to see them. So Peter Jackson, if you're out there...you know where to find me."
-- On the Lord of the Rings movie series 3 Dec 2001

"There is far too little joy in the world, and some of the best of it came from Douglas Adams."
-- in r.a.sf.tv.b5 on the occasion of Adams' death 14 May 2001

"My goal: to blow up your subwoofer."
-- [r.a.sf.tv.b5] Re: Wow! The audio on Crusade 21 Feb 2001

"You make comics that don't suck."
"At last I have my epitath."
-- Travers Naran, JMS [r.a.sf.tv.b5] Re: On Comics 18 Oct 2000

"I keep clicking my heels together and saying 'There's no place like home,' but it doesn't work, it just doesn't work...."
"I hate to tell you this, but you are home. That's why it doesn't appear to work when in fact it is."
"Well, that certainly explains the huge mounds of KY jelly, razor blades and cat fur."
-- Joe, Corun MacAnndra, Joe [r.a.sf.tv.b5.moderated] Re: The next "City of Dreams"... 22-25 Sep 2000

News Group: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated               -- 56/91  (63%)
From: jmsatb5@aol.com (Jms at B5)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated
Subject: Re: OT - Re: TRUST THE GOP
Date: 14 Sep 2000 15:42:52 -0700
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

Jumping in with what will probably be my only thoughts on the issue....

I supported John McCain early on, even though I've traditionally voted
democrat, because I thought there was a man of great substance up there behind
the podium.  I don't believe in following party lines, I try to find the best
person for the job.

I think Gore is okay.  I'm not massively enthusiastic, I think we could've done
better on that count, but at the end of the day, he's okay.  I think he'll do a
decent, reasonable job.

I definitely do NOT want GWB in office, for very strong reasons.

This is a man who said, when he was told that there might be a huge budget
shortfall in Texas as a result of his administration's choices, "Well,
hopefully I won't have to worry about that."  This is not a man who we should
put anywhere NEAR the White House.

Further, major corporations put up nearly $100 million bucks, the largest in
history, for his primary campaign.  Corporations like that don't put up money
at that level unless they think they're going to be getting something back in
exchange.  This is a man who is going to be absolutely beholden to big
business, as he was in Texas, where the first things he did was to provide a
massive tax break for big oil, and the "tort reform" he lauded later was a bill
to make it harder to sue corporations when they do bad stuff.

This is a man who is a total chameleon.  When McCain trounced him in one of the
primaries as a reformer, suddenly Bush came out with all these banners saying
HE was a reformer.  He co-opts the other guy's stance when the other guy is
ahead because he really has no other stance other than "I want the job."

He was packaged and picked because the party heads think Bush was a brand name
they could promote, and because he was well placed to get the southern vote.
They picked him because of logistics, not because he was the best man for the
job.

He's prissy, arrogant, brittle, not terribly bright, and if he gets anywhere
near the White House the damage he will do the country will, I believe, be
*substantial*.

 jms

"He can't walk! He can't act! Together, they fight crime!"
-- tagline for "Jake and the Fatman"

"Well, you know what I always say about nazis, the fuhrer the better..." -- [.moderated] OT - TRUST THE GOP 14 Sep 2000

"> Okay, Joe, why *doesn't* Orko have any feet? :)
I chewed them off."
-- [.moderated] Skeletors in the closet 13 Apr 2000
The Odyssey cable network recently picked up rerun rights to the He Man and She Ra animated series, in which Joe had some involvement.

"Other than that, when it comes to language...well, fuck it."
-- on r.a.sf.tv.b5.moderated re: "The Were Bitch Project" and the use of expletives 12 Sep 1999

"One odd thing...seems like any time I have to leave Burbank airport, I end up going out of and returning in via gate B5."
-- [r.a.sf.tv.b5.moderated] Re: B5 Synchronicity 18 Aug 1999

">Does anyone know what will happen after TNT airs ep 13?
Cthulhu comes to Atlanta."
-- [rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated] Re: After Crusade epsisode 10... then what? 10 Aug 1999

"So bottom line...I dunno, I go back and forth on an almost hourly basis. Basically, I think either it'll work, or it'll start a massive war in a region noted for a resentful populace and any number of leftover nukes."
-- [rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5] Re: Kosovo 29 Mar 1999

> For the life of me, I STILL don't what some people see in a bunch of
> big sweaty loud-mouthed men in fluorescent spandex throwing each
> other around a ring!

      Sorry, I'm lost, I didn't know that the subject had changed to
      Congress....

"      I go by Joe.  Call me Joe.  Joe is fine.  Joe is simpler to
spell, quicker to type, friendlier on-screen, one syllable.  Michael is
two syllables, and I don't respond to it.

      Straczynski, pronounced just right and with the proper force
behind it, can actually strike a cow dead at twenty paces."

"It's not like I'm hard to find...."
"You don't hide under the bed anymore?"
"Not since the monsters moved in down there."
"Will we be seeing any of these monsters in the first season of Crusade?"
"Depends on their agents."
-- JMS, Philip Hornsey 18-19 May 1998

"Nah...occasional wistfulness notwithstanding, I wouldn't have it any other way. Understand that I'm in the best position imaginable: people are paying me for something I'd have to do for free, because I can't not write. I get to write, and tell my stories my way, and make a decent living. How much more can anyone ask for? And with all that, it seems inappropriate to complain about the hours."
-- on the 25 hour a day/8 day a week/367 day a year job he holds 8 Apr 1998

"There are no thoughts too radical for a people to view; there are just some people too radical to control the thoughts of others."
-- 2 Apr 1998

"I confess it was my idea...damn taggers are everywhere...it's my one indulgence in 5 years. Doesn't any good artist sign his work?"
-- On the back of the station, seen in the S5 opening credits 16 Jan 98

"See, I have this silly notion that if somebody gives you $21 million bucks or so to make a series, it kinda behooves you to act responsibly."
-- 9 Jan 98

"Heh, or like Jack Valente's simplified ratings system:

   In a G or PG movie, the good guy gets the girl.
   In an R movie, the bad guy gets the girl.

   In an X movie, EVERYBODY gets the girl."

"And in an NC-17 movie everybody gets the girl and one guy gets
 the guy and everybody feels bad about it later while they sit around in
 a French cafe reading Kirkegaard...."

"This of course, brings up one obvious question. Will there be a JMS action figure, and will it have a Kung-Fu Grip (tm)?"
"Given my luck when still dating, perhaps there should be a jms 'no-action' figure...."
-- Philip Hornsey, JMS [CompuServe] Re: B5 Dolls

"If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve, if impeached I will burn the tapes, write a book, build a library and become an elder statesman."
-- 9 Dec 97 when it was suggested that he run for President (with Harlan as his running mate) in 2000

"I just wish people would quit fighting over whether to use the left or the right oar when the boat is sinking."
-- 29 Nov 97

"Yes, those stage doors are secured, and there are guards, and unless you're a Minbari you're not getting in."
-- On the B5 set's fire exits 2 Nov 97

"It's not the heat, it's the stupidity...."
-- 17 Oct 97

"To my mind there is nothing so dangerous as someone with intelligence, creativity and a penchant for holding a grudge..."
"Yeah...you'd think some people would figure that out by now. But in this case, don't worry...what I have in mind is absolutely discreet and classy."
-- Philip Hornsey, JMS [CIS: Help Me Promote Season 5] 6 Oct 97

"The synopses are not for general distribution outside the TV stations; if other people are getting them, they're breaking the rules and ruining the dramatic impact of episodes by letting the shape of the episodes get out before broadcsat, and as far as I'm concerned, that entitles me to fuck with them."
-- 2 Oct 97

"But we'll see...it's still a long way off, and as Ted Kennedy once said, we'll drive off that bridge when we come to it."
-- on the possibility of a sixth season of Babylon 5 29 Sep 97

"In future you might refrain from prognostication until properly qualified by the gypsy of your choice."
-- to John Ordover-Trek Editor <72674.1362@compuserve.com> 10 Sep 97

"BTW, when they did the second season without me, they introduced the odious "Junior Ghostbusters," and at one point asked me if I'd be willing to write a script using them.
       "Only if I get to drive a truck over them," I replied.
They never asked me again.
-- [CompuServe] Re: [The Real] Ghostbusters goes PC 6 Sep 97

"When you ride a bicycle, you're not thinking about pressure vs. force or force = propulsion, or how many cycles per minute equals X-speed, you're just Riding The Bike.

I just Write."

-- 1 Sep 97

"Crystal, with all the things that've happened, if Bruce were one day transformed into a six foot lemur with a club foot and serious overbite, I feel reasonably confident that I could find some way to work it into the series."
-- [r.a.s.t.b5.m] Re: time off 20 Aug 97

"It's kinda like being hit in the head with a 2x4 about once every two minutes...after a while, you kinda start to like it."
-- [r.a.s.t.b5.m] Re: time off 20 Aug 97

"Yes - Warners has rented a C4 cargo plane and will drop tapes all over Canada -- it will kill lots of cats, but this is a necessary sacrifice."
-- When asked if Season 5 would be seen in Canada, at RebelCon, 9 Aug 97
[Maintainers note: Hopefully, TNT will make accomodations to also kill cats with their Season 5 broadcasts, so those of us here in the States won't be treated unfairly.]

"First rule of Zen writing: use your opponent's force against them."
-- 1 Aug 97

> I think I want the china, the good silver, and the portrait of Uncle
> Frank.
>
> And joint custody of the Vorlon.

Vorlons are like cats, you never really own them.

"The Sisters of Zathras...now *there's* a convent worth joining."
-- [CIS] Re: New character 24-Jul-97

"Why can't everyone just appreaciate you for the sick, twisted, lovable, demented, tortured, bizarre, clever, witty, devious, genius that you are?"
"Kill me...just kill me now and get it over with...."
-- Roseann Caputo, JMS [CIS] Re: Claudia 23 Jul 97

Question: "Could you have the Hansons do a cameo on B5 so you could MMMMBop them out an airlock?"
JMS: "That would require placing them in a vacuum which would be redundant."
-- IRC session 30 Jun 97

Question: "In the B5 universe, do porn flicks involve spoo?"
JMS: "You are a thick, twisted, demented individual, please marry me."
-- IRC session 30 Jun 97

"We asked Claudia to shave her beard for the photo. We knew that this would be a controversial move, but we felt it was good for her character."
-- On the TV Guide cver beards (IRC session) 30 Jun 97

"One of my good (and bad) attributes is that I can always see 3 sides in any two-sided argument; I can shift points of view to see everyone's perspective plus one nobody'd thought of. It's great for playing different sides of an argument or an interrogation in a script so that both sides speak from what they think is the truth; it's terrible when someone asks where you want to go eat dinner...."
-- 24 Jun 97

"You understand the concepts of breaking down a human psyche."
"Well, sure...I work for Warner Bros."
-- Kirk Darling, JMS 20 Jun 97

"Well, first you'll have to smuggle me past Sister Mary Theresa Thomas, and into the nun's quarters...then just leave the rest to me."
-- 3 Mar 97, on how a club can get him to appear at a "convent".

"You don't want to get dust into your space suit or it'll screw up the works and you'll die, which is a definite design flaw."
-- 25 Feb 97

"The main motive for going beyond the rim...there's a heck of a big Taco Bell out there..."
-- on why the First Ones left our galaxy 18 Feb 97

JSM: "No animals were harmed during the typing of this message."
JMS: "I would've believed this until a petition signed by 47 ferrets, ducks and hamsters arrived on my desk a few minutes ago...."
RJE: "Don't believe everything that comes across your desk. They were forced to sign the petition by a terrorist group of meerkats, kinkajous and bandicoots with the eventual goal of achieving admittance of cute-and-fuzzy to Babylon 5..."
JMS: "Oh...*them* again.... Same old story."
-- Jean S McKnight, Joe, Rebecca Eschliman 26 Jan 97

"Mainly, I'm genetically a pain in the butt."
-- on how he's survived in Hollywood while keeping his integrity 21 Jan 97

This was an exchange on CompuServe's B5 forum:

Date: 17 Jan 1997 04:51:57 -0700
From: John Ordover-Trek Editor <72674.1362@compuserve.com>
To: J. Michael Straczynski <71016.1644@compuserve.com>
Subject: From jms re: yr 4/5
Message-ID: 
References: 
 
Seemes to me we're both on the verge of saying "Kids today!  They
don't know how to make good TV like there was when -we- were growing
up!" .
 
Here's a focus group story:  The Star Trek Interactive Department
wanted to do a CD-ROM version of the Star Trek Encyclopedia (one of our
best books, and one of our best sellers).  Liscensing was fussing at
them about it in a conference call.  Finally one Viacombot said "Well,
how do you know the fans even want an Encyclopedia?  Did you do a focus
group?"
 
Our producer relpied "How about the 750,000 people who bought the book
version?  That a big enough focus group for you?".
 
------------------------------
 
Date: 17 Jan 1997 15:02:59 -0700
From: J. Michael Straczynski <71016.1644@compuserve.com>
To: John Ordover-Trek Editor <72674.1362@compuserve.com>
Subject: From jms re: yr 4/5
Message-ID: 
References: 
 
       Back at you:
 
       WB did a focus group for B5.  Peeled of 20 folks for an in-room
review, the rest of us watching through mirrored glass.  One guy hates
the show vehemently, keeps saying it's not science fiction.  Finally
the guy running the group says, "Could you tell us what you feel is an
example of good science fiction?"
 
       And the guy says, "Power Rangers."
 
       I damn near went through the glass at him.
 
                                                                  jms

"Eye are a riter. Eye read buks and eye remember wurds. Wurds r my bizness. Eye have seen that wurd many, many times. Like in the dikshonary. Eye read the dikshonary for funn. Eye likes wurds."
-- responding to a question, "from whence came 'Apotheosis'" 10 Jan 97

"Okay, I'm gonna keep this real short and real simple.
You wanna see the end of the story? Huh? Do you? Do you?!

THEN GIVE ME THE DAMNED CHEAT CODES FOR "QUAKE!"

                                jm(vibrating into another dimension)s

" I think a year five opening would be just a still, unmoving camera focused on me, collapsed at my desk...."
-- About the opening credits. Probably after Joe finishes writing all of Season Four. 10 Nov 96

Date: 27 Oct 1996 15:51:26 -0700
From: J. Michael Straczynski <71016.1644@compuserve.com>
To: (blocked)
Subject: The CARDS are Here!
Message-ID: 
References: 
 
      Actually, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of
Zathras as a political speechwriter or candidate.
 
      "Zathras look at budget deficit, says, not good.  Stop spending.
But no one ever listen to Zathras.  But one day, everybody listen.
Then, Zathras elected.  Zathras will be great president.  Someday even
have face printed on money.  Then, everybody have Zathras face in
pants.  It is good to be president."
 
                                                                  jms

"'Zathras won't talk to press. Tabloids always misquote Zathras.'
Hmmm...I didn't know Zathras worked for the Dole campaign...but it does explain a lot...."
-- 26 Oct 96

Date: 18 Oct 1996 00:44:40 -0700
From: J. Michael Straczynski <71016.1644@compuserve.com>
To: All
Subject: A Funny Thought
Message-ID: <forum.sfmediaone.594561@compuserve.com>
 
      It's a funny thing...just to show you how sometimes even jms can
be just a LEEETLE bit slow on the uptake....
 
      I've known, at some level, for four years that we're a
syndicated show, that we don't have the usual network censors to deal
with.
 
      Then, this season, it finally hit me..."waitaminnit...we don't
have CENSORS!  As long as it doesn't use the words you absolutely can't
say on TeeVee, as long as it doesn't directly involve nudity or blood
and guts, I can take things *CONCEPTUALLY* as far as I want."
 
      Heh.
 
      Heh-heh-heh....
 
                                                                  jms
 
------------------------------

"I wouldn't go get pizza for the one. That ain't my job. I'm just the writer."
-- when asked if he would die for The One 11 Oct 96 IRC chat

"A link has gone down. The fellows here are as nervous as war room generals in FAIL SAFE."

"THE PLANET IS NEARING DESTRUCTION FROM IRC OVERLOAD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SOMEONE GET ME JOR-EL ON THE PHONE AND DO IT **NOW**!"

-- as the IRC chat went haywire 11 Oct 96

"Any character can die. However, if I killed Ivanova, Claudia would kill me. Mutually assured destruction."
-- When asked if any character could still die, in the face of several women fans (friends of the question asker) would quit watching if Ivanova were killed. 11 Oct 96 in the IRC chat

"We're still negotiating for the release of the tapes...last we heard Nixon had 'em...."
-- referring to getting Warner Brothers to release B5 on tape 22 Sep 96

" Actually, the best "slippery" line came from Australian artist Peter Ledger, who before his passing helped visualize the designs of B5: "Slippery as a bucket of monkey's foreskins."
It's the kind of hideous line that just keeps you up at night, trying to pretend you never heard it...."
-- [CIS] Dust to Dust question 16 Sep 96

"Is there anything jms can't do?"
"Divide or multiply fractions."
-- CompuServe B5 forum 11 Sep 96

"Egotism? Peter, your ego could be wrapped around the sun three times and still leave room for a knot."
-- to Peter Stathis, in a CompuServe thread which Peter started in order to "Kick Butt" and set everyone straight on The Way Things Are According To Peter. 7 Sep 96

"You cannot sell a cat, you can only lease it out.

BTW, what's that behind you?"
-- in a CompuServe thread about "Grey 17 is Missing" 5 Sep 96

"It was a hoot; we got to go totally nuts and be obscure and adult and funny and outrageous."
-- On the experience of writing/story editing for "The Real Ghostbusters" animated series 4 Aug 96

"What do you do if you die before finishing the full B5 storyline?"

Well...decompose, mainly....

-- JMS on the oddest question he's ever been asked 15 Apr 96

"I'm sorry, but we cannot answer your question at this time. We are experincing temporary transmission problems with ISN, but hope to have the situation remedied very soon. Meanwhile, you can direct any inquiries for information to the Ministry of Peace, and the Ministry for Public Information, which has been aiding all public information broadcasts for almost two years now.

At the tone, please leave your name and identicard number. Don't worry about calling back. We'll find you.

<beep>"
-- JMS, in response to a question about ISN in "Severed Dreams" 10 Apr 96

"When is the 'Elvis' going to be leading an attack?"
"As soon as I can find a pair of blue suede cruisers"
-- Anonymous CIS user, JMS 9 Apr 96

"I studied with Vorlons...."
"And what did you teach them?"
"Never ask that question."
-- JMS, Philip Hornsey <74053.2101@compuserve.com> [CIS] 18 Mar 96

"How do you like your crow? Medium? Well-done? It can't be rare because crows are hardly ever rare.

What's coming up? Hmmm...the world is turned upside down, other people turn their backs on everything they think they believe in, a voice comes from the distant past, there's a change in fashion sense, there's romance (intended and unintended), heroics, the return (as it were) of Babylon 4, revelations, revolutions, treaties and a whole lotta gunfire."
-- JMS [AOL] Re: Eating Crow...Part 2 1 Mar 96

"what's he [JMS] doing in television then?"
"Nailing 95 theses to the door of science fiction television."
-- Ruth Ballam <100412.3457@compuserve.com> & JMS, [CompuServe] SFX Magazine Awards 1 Mar 96

"It was a hideous task; two-thirds through I began to understand that there was a *reason* nobody's ever done this before...you'd have to be outta your ever-loving mind to even try. But as with everything else on B5, if we don't know it's impossible, we just go ahead and do it."
-- JMS, after having completed Season 3, episode #22, on the feat of having written the entire season 3 of Babylon 5 unparalleled in the history of television in America, possibly the world. 27 Feb 96

"I suppose you know there is nothing I can do to stop you.
I suppose you know that I will find you.
I suppose you know the drill. It begins with the words, 'You will know pain....'"
-- JMS [CompuServe B5 Forum] I've got JMS's EAR!!! 25 Feb 96

"Given that, in contravention to general Talmudic practice, Ivanova got involved with Talia, I think it is fair to say that she has eaten many things that are not kosher."
-- JMS, GEnie SFRT II Roundtable, Category 19, Topic 34, commenting on Ivanova's bacon-and-eggs breakfast in "Messages from Earth" 24 Feb 96

"I just want to know what all of us are supposed to do when this 5 year arc is over. . . <G>"
"Relax. Smoke a cigarette. Go out for pizza."
--Theo Thourson <73214.2131@compuserve.com>, JMS, on the eventual end of Babylon 5 24 Feb 96

"Yes, sometimes they introduce talk shows as an instrument of war. Any culture which begins to see talk shows can pretty much rest assured that shadows are behind it, and that our time is growing short."
-- JMS, on what ELSE the Shadows use on planetary targets, besides heavy weapons fire 24 Feb 96

"Besides, what guarantee would I have that somebody won't print up a copy of the ear, take it into another room, and have unwilling aural sex with it?"
-- JMS, resisting a Compu$erve forum hubbub requesting a .gif of his ear be put on the Web, symbolizing the idea that the fans on the 'net always have his ear 24 Feb 96

"For a couple months now, I've been looking down the road at episode #7, because I couldn't quite see the shape of it...I knew what I had to do in it, but I couldn't break the spine of the story...until ten minutes ago, and it hit me with all the force of a meat axe right smack between the eyeballs."
-- JMS on Babylon 5, Season 3's "Messages from Earth" 22 Feb 96

"I actually have very little trouble living in the B5 universe with half my brain, and hanging out here and the other nets with the other half of my brain. Granted, I don't have any brain left over for a personal life during this period, but my personal life has always been pretty brainless, so there you are."
-- JMS 20 Feb 96

"No, you can't have any clues. What am I, a clues closet?"
"So you aren't going to give me the next two season names :-("
"No; one thing at a time. Now finish your broccoli...."
-- J. Michael Straczynski, Rowan Kaiser on the Compu$erve B5 forum 11 Feb 95

"You can't work at getting a single, personal vision on film without convincing some people you're great, and convincing other people you're the Antichrist."
-- J. Michael Straczynski, Babylon 5 creator 10 Feb 95

"I've been asked NOT to give anyone the line, 'I need this like a hole in the head.'"
-- J. Michael Straczynski, creator, Babylon 5 in the GEnie B5 forum 5 Dec 95 During filming this season, actors Claudia Christian and Jerry Doyle broke a right foot and an arm, respectively, as they were filming episodes where each had a line about their right foot or arm, respectively.

"Never eat anything bigger than your head. And a fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place."
-- J. Michael Straczynski, Babylon 5 creator 2 Jan 95

"I think they'll be a lot like Andy Rooney. Especially the eyebrows."
-- JMS, same CompuServe conference as above

• The Lurker's Guide to Babylon 5